O, Conviction!

(When the words "I love You" ring wincingly false) --

If I truly loved You...
...I would never count my losses more than Your own;
...I would seek what You desired;
...I would align myself fully with what You have sought.

If I truly loved You...
...my first concern would be Your thinking;
...my only consideration would be Your pleasure;
...my last thought would be of "self."

If I truly loved You...
...I wouldn't question Your devotion to me, or shrink back in fear;
...I wouldn't turn in faithlessness each time You asked me something difficult;
...I wouldn't justify my "self" and fight for my own ways and cause You grief with my disbelief in Your kindness.

If I truly loved You...
...I would lean wholly on Your Name;
...I would keep focused on Your plan;
...I would risk freely, give lavishly, and live unreservedly.

If I truly loved You...
...I would not have my eyes fixed on the present;
...nor would I complain about hardship;
...nor would I count anything but loss for the sake of knowing You.

If I truly loved You...
...Your nearness would be all I cared for;
...Your contentment and favor, all I strived to attain;
...Your quiet rest upon me, my delight.

If I truly loved You...
...I wouldn't turn my back on You with a callous, abrasive stance;
...nor lash out at You from distrust over Your motives;
...nor seek other things in place of You.

If I truly loved You, as You rightly deserved; as I'd ought...
...I would live poured out, broken down, held back for nothing;
...I would give wantonly, heedlessly, and abounding with joy;
...I would worship reverently, patiently, and with no demands to be found.

...I would be stripped of all pride, conquered in all flesh,
unburdened of every sin;
...I would be genuine when I neared You, calm when You delayed me, submitted when You required more;
...I would be open without condition; softened at all times;
ready for Your employ at every turn.

If I truly knew how to love You...
...this life would no longer have any mark of my scratching for ownership;
...this soul would no longer be wearied with sighs of self-pity;
...this heart would no longer justify itself in pursuing self-will.

If I truly understood, if it ever came naturally...
...I would be a different creature:
conformed and compliant;
refashioned and reformed;
endowed with Your nature in such a way
that all of the hurting of this world could not stain or mar,
but could only cause to pour forth all the more heavily
the kind of love, Your kind,
which bleeds for the brokenness of the unbeliever,
and yearns for the wayward home,
and would give up any personal gain
for the restless soul to be set free.

O, that I could love You!